Munchausen (1781) - part 9

Greyhound

The best greyhound I ever had lived to be very old. She was quite small but she was a wonderful runner, and because I used her so much, she gradually wore her legs away so that they ended up a good deal shorter. After that I used her as a dachshund for badger-hunting, and kept her for a long time further.

Hare

The same greyhound bitch once took off by herself and chased a hare that looked very big. My poor animal whimpered because she was carrying pups, but she didn’t drop her pace at all. I followed slowly on horseback. Suddenly I heard a pack of dogs yapping, but so faintly and weakly that I didn’t know what to make of it. When I caught up I discovered that the hare had been pregnant too, and the chase had triggered off the birthing process for her, and for my dog also. Instinct had taught both hunter and hunted, exactly equal numbers of leverets and puppies were born, and when I got there I found I had six hares and six dogs.
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Original:

Nie hatt ich einen besern Windhund, als einen, der sehr alt bey mir ward, und eben nicht groß war. Er lief ganz bewundernswürdig, und zuletzt, weil ich ihn so sehr viel brauchte, lief er sich ordentlich die Beine weg, daß sie um ein gut Theil kürzer wurden. Seit der Zeit gebraucht’ ich ihn, wie Teckel (Dachshund), und hatt’ ihn so noch eine ganze Zeit.

Derselbe als er noch Windhund war, – es war eine Hündinn – lief einst ganz allein hinter einen Hasen, der mir sehr groß vorkam. Mein armes Thier jammerte mich, weil es schwanger war; doch ließ sie nichts im Laufen nach. Ich folgte zu Pferde nur langsam. Plötzlich hör’ ich ein Geklaff, wie von mehrern Hunden, aber so fein und schwach, daß ich nicht weiß, was ich draus machen soll. [98] Beym Näherreiten entdeck ich, daß der Hase auch ein schwangeres Weibchen gewesen ist, und im Laufen gesetzet hat; dasselbe ist meiner Hündin begegnet; es waren gerade gleich viel junge Hasen und junge Hunde geworfen. Der Instinkt lehrte jene laufen, und diese verfolgen; und wie ich herankam, hatt ich sechs Hasen von sechs Hunden gehalten.


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Munchausen (1781) - part 8

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8) Once when I was an officer in the Hussars, I took part in a hot skirmish. Afterwards I rode towards a village and came to a little stream. I was about to ride over it, but my horse wanted a drink and I let him have his way. I was lost in thought for a long time, but when I was ready to ride on I was astonished to see that the stream had disappeared. I heard a noise and looked about to find that the water was now behind me; and I saw at the same time that my horse had been shot in half during the conflict, and that while he was drinking all the water had flowed back out of him. My horse hadn’t noticed his own injury in the heat of battle; I quickly returned to the scene before it got too cold, and soon found the other half. I tore off young willow branches and used them to reattach the two halves; some twigs grew and bound themselves inextricably with the horse, others shot up and intertwined above, and made an arbour, which ever afterwards gave me cover and shade while riding. The horse died long ago.

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Original:

8) Wie ich noch als Husarenoffizier diente, war ich eins Tages in einem hitzigen Treffen. Nach dessen Ende ritt ich nach einem Dorfe zu, und kam an einen kleinen Fluß. Ich wollte durchreiten, allein mein Pferd zeigte Lust zum Trinken, und ich ließ ihm seinen Willen. Nach langer Zeit, binnen welcher ich in Gedanken gewesen war, wollt ich weiter reiten, und sah mit Erstaunen den Fluß vor mir verschwunden. Ich sah auf ein Geräusch mich um, und fand das Wasser itzt hinter mir; und sah zugleich, daß [97] mein Pferd in der Schlacht war mitten von einander geschossen worden, und daß itzt beym Saufen alles Wasser hinten wieder von ihm ausgeloffen war. Mein Pferd hatte seine Wunde in der Hitze selbst nicht gemerkt; ich kehrte nun schnell zurük, um es nicht ganz kalt werden zu lassen, und fand auch bald die andere dazu gehörige Hälfte. Junge Weidenbäume, die ich ausriß, halfen mir beide Theile gut zusammenfügen; einige Zweige davon verwuchsen mit dem Pferde, die andern schossen in die Höhe, und krümten sich von selbst oben zusammen, und machten eine Laube, die mir beym Reiten hernach immer Bedeckung und Schatten gab. Das Pferd ist itzt gestorben.


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Munchausen (1781) - part 7



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7) One day when I was out hunting I’d run completely out of ammunition, when suddenly I came across a magnificent stag, who stood quite calmly in front of me, as if he knew my difficulty. I quickly loaded with powder, sucked the flesh off a lot of cherry stones, which I put in on top, and shot the deer right in the forehead. He recoiled but ran off immediately. A year later I went into the same forest, and met a stag whose brow sported a cherry tree with leaves and beautiful blossoms. I recognised my prey at once; and this time he didn’t get away.

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Original:

Einmal auf der Jagd hatt’ ich mich an Schroot schon ganz verschossen; und da find ich noch einen stattlichen Hirschen, der so still mir gerade gegenüber steht, als wenn er meinen Mangel wüßte. Ich lade geschwinde mit Pulver, und setze eine Menge Kirschkerne, wovon ich schnell das Fleisch absauge, droben auf, und schieße den Hirschen gerade vor die Stirne. Er prellt zurük, aber entkömmt mir bald. Ein Jahr nachher geh’ ich im selben Walde, und da kömmt mir ein Hirsch entgegen, aus dessen Stirne ein Kirschbaum mit Blättern und schöner Blüthe hervorsteht. Ich erkenne sogleich mein Eigenthum; und dießmal entkam er mir nicht mehr.


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Munchausen (1781) - part 6

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6) Another time on the hunt, I saw two wild boar, one following the other very closely; I took a snap shot that flew between them, but to my surprise the leader ran away and the follower stopped. On closer examination I saw that the latter was an old blind sow that had taken the tail of the lead pig (surely her son) in her mouth, and was led about in that way. I had shot off the tail, and the sow still had a bit of it clamped in her jaws. Since her guide was no longer pulling, she stood still. I had nothing with me to butcher her, so I took what was left of the tail and drew her leisurely into my farmyard, she following patiently as before.

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Original:

6) Auch begegnet’ ich einst zwey wilden Schweinen auf der Jagd, die dicht hinter einander gingen; ich schoß mit Fleiß mitten zwischen ihnen durch: und siehe! das vorderste lief fort, und das hinterste blieb stehen. Bey genauerer Untersuchung war dieß eine alte blinde Sau, die den Schwanz des vorangehenden Schweines, ohne Zweifel ihres Jungen, in den Mund genommen, und sich so hatte leiten lassen; ich hatte den Schwanz abgeschossen, und die [96] Sau hatte noch ein Endchen davon im Munde. Itzt da ihr Führer sie nicht mehr fortzog, stand sie still. Ich hatte gar nichts bey mir, um sie niederzumachen, nahm also das Restchen Schwanz, und zog sie so gemächlich in meinen Hof, wohin sie mir auch geduldig folgte.


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FIFA Fuss and F-You Litigation

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/jigsaw-puzzle-complete-23291229.jpg

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-32895048

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_2022_FIFA_World_Cup_bid

If the machinery of justice is called in, let it be for all, not just for revenge.

And why is Switzerland cooperating?

Nobody likes a bully.


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Counsellors of despair

Chris Hedges at Truthdig ("Our mania for hope is a curse") wants us to give up hope so that we will be impelled to act.

Shan't. I had to email this to the site as comment opportunities are truncated:

Shame comments thread closes so fast. I'd want to say:

1. Interesting you chose Zweig as an example. He killed himself in Brazil (a country that didn't do badly afterwards) and 1942, three years before Nazism was defeated and the world began its enormous leaps forward. Suicide is a temptation for the overthinker.

2. Like Sartre, you seem to counsel despair (which advice he never applied to himself) in order that "we" can act. But the whole point of ceaseless mass surveillance, the erosion of civil liberties and the nazification of law and order in the West is to prevent us combining effectively.

In the face of this, I think quietism and hope are perfectly rational. The system cannot go on for ever, and when the last eagle is extinct, there will still be rabbits.

Ben Jonson (allegedly): "I have studied all the theologies and all the philosophies, but cheerfulness keeps breaking through."


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Munchausen (1781) - Part 5

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5) One day when I was out hunting in Russia I came upon a beautiful black fox, whose pelt I wanted to have as undamaged as possible. He was standing by a tree, so instead of a musket ball I loaded a sharp nail and fired such a lucky shot that I nailed his tail to that tree. Now as he stood pinned, I ran up to him and made a cross cut on his forehead with my hunting knife, then I took my whip and thrashed him right through the opening on his head and out of his skin.

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Original:

5) Auf der Jagd in Rußland stieß ich einst auf einen schönen schwarzen Fuchs, dessen Balg ich gern so unbeschädigt als möglich gehabt hätte. Er stand nah an einem Baum; ich lud also statt der Kugel einen spitzigen Nagel, und schoß, und traf so glüklich, daß ich seinen Schwanz an diesen Baum nagelte. Nun, wie er fest saß, lief ich auf ihn zu, machte mit meinem Jagdmesser ihm einen Kreuzschnitt auf der Stirne, nahm dann meine Peitsche zur Hand, und prügelte ihn so durch die Oefnung am Kopf zum Fell hinnaus.


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