Saturday, April 23, 2022

WEEKENDER: The Week That Was, by Wiggia

Holy Mackerel

In a week when anything seemed possible and nothing was impossible, a series of appearances, events and utterances kept us amused or confounded. Rick Stein was discovered to have been moonlighting as the Archbishop of York (see comments on this tweet); no doubt Stein’s familiarity with loaves and fishes clinch the deal.

Emmanuel Macron astounded almost everyone with his hirsute appearance in an open-necked shirt in an attempt to look sexy and down with the bruvs, but only managed to extract comments on the veracity of his rug.

From someone who gives the impression he is sneering at people most of the time, his recent speeches invoking the royal 'we' at every moment and his James Bond power play show he is rightly worried about winning a second term. He will win as France will either vote in ever smaller numbers and all the other parties will band together as usual to stop Le Pen getting into the Elysée and France will then moan about Macron for another five years; seems to be the pattern everywhere.

Boris has been keeping his head down in Ukraine. A direct missile strike would end all his problems about Partygate and lying to everyone continuously so maybe just maybe the wearing of a suit rather than the normal obligatory camouflage jacket could have been a desperate cry for help.

The odd cuff lengths if you're going out in style rather let the side down

Keir Starmer somehow gives himself immunity to any fines as his beer in hand photo was in a totally ‘different’ category to the ones that have landed Boris in the merde, but it won't do him any good banging on about Boris as it appears most of the civil service of whatever colour were partying while old people died on their own, and apparently we have all ‘moved on’; how convenient a war can be.

Two things from that photo are far more important than if he broke the rules: as in the Music Man that line 'medicinal wine from a teaspoon and beer from a bottle and we got trouble in the city' or something like that, how uncouth is drinking from the bottle; it creates the same reaction, as those old enough to remember, to the reaction to anyone drinking beer from a straight glass! Also, the vanity of the man shows, as he is wearing glasses, though never seen in public wearing them. So, two hugely important facts from a rather bad photo.

Elsewhere Priti Patel is attempting again to stop the flood of illegals crossing the Channel with a doomed attempt to send them all to Rwanda. She was seen inspecting a hotel room that looked suspiciously five star for such a destination; the only reference I have to a Rwandan hotel room is the film of the same name, not that I think she had that in mind... or maybe she did?

Priti Patel suffers like Macron from a height disadvantage. Her appearance on the rostrum in Rwanda was not helped in this area by her Rwandan official who appeared to be about 6’ 8” and the fact that next to him she looked like the second uncovering of a Russian doll.

After many criticisms of the plan Pritti said in effect, ‘If you can think of anything better tell me.’ Coming from the person in charge of all this and paid to do the job, she has so far been an abject failure, so perhaps Joe Soap in the job for a while would be an improvement.

Though to be fair, if one can be, she has to deal with a civil service that is a carbon copy of that in Yes Minister and despite supposedly being there to carry out the wishes of the current government does all it can to thwart it, whether it be migrants or Brexit; another part of the public sector that needs a total clear-out.

At the same time Border Force (time for a name change) is sending more and more personnel to ‘deal’ with the illegals crossing the Channel, while at the same time forcing legal travellers to wait for hours to pass through security to go on holiday at airports and traffic jams of lorries carrying essential goods are further held up at ports for the same reason.

Just a thought: if the Australian method of using an island has proved so effective why don’t we ask if we can share that facility? Hardly much further than Rwanda and we know it works.

As an aside, why do so many asked about Channel crossings use the ‘we must stop the crossings because of the danger of death’  as a precursor to whatever they say? These migrants pay to cross the  Channel and as with anything else in life they take that risk. It is their choice, they could always take the legal route and apply like everyone else to enter, but the deaths have been minimal considering the transport used and they are picked up outside Calais anyway.

Back in Ukraine Vlad, having failed in a short dramatic takeover has resorted to other methods to achieve his aim. The West in its desire to openly help Ukraine militarily is sending almost everything they ask for, all at great expense (not that that is a concern of modern government) to fight the evil invader.

Apart from Germany: because of the calamitous Ursula von der Leyen as minister of defence before she took the lead role in the EU, the German army has hardly anything left to send. The government has left it to the arms manufacturers to send stuff; not having anything left in their stockpile they are paying the arms manufacturers to send arms direct. I hope for their sake Vlad doesn’t decide this is a good time to invade Germany!

 If anyone has any idea what is actually going on there send answers on a postcard. Othe than slowly flattening the place he has achieved very little apart from condemnation by the West for everything he has done. Lots of sanctions, various European harbours filled with confiscated oligarchs' yachts, dozens of huge mansions are now standing empty (as many stood before all this kicked off) and no one knows what they are going to do with it all. Add to that the price of gas, minerals, fertiliser, grain - all either in very short supply or at stratospheric prices - and if you had arrived from planet Zog you would declare a score draw or worse at the moment.

The only person who has gained from this is Zelenskyy The war disguises a decidedly dodgy premiership where opposition is shut down along with any questions at his mysterious wealth in what is a decidedly corrupt nation; not that many from the West with ‘interests’ there are not as corrupt, but for now all that has gone away.

Still, assurances from all the big players that retribution is nigh is comforting as the leader of the free world exits stage left, or is it right, having shaken hands with the invisible man.

And you should never turn your back on the public, still …

Elsewhere in the USA the military are gearing up for a possible offensive…

(From 2016 but illustrative of how Woke has come to the Army)

This is probably a little unfair as the senior ranks have already made their minds up…

The Commander in Chief meanwhile was conversing with the Easter Bunny on future strategy, having told Putin ‘you don’t know what is coming’; this from a man who doesn’t know where he is going.

At the same time that 'Sleepy Joe' further confirms his total unsuitability for the job in hand, his understudy makes a play for the top job and fails, as she has done since day one…

We can’t finish the week without the heartfelt outpourings of the boss of Scottish Power revealing the ever increasing numbers of customers who have fallen behind with their energy bills. Naturally, with an October of further high rises coming this will for the first time actually mean many will have no choice but to choose between eating and heating; though with food and commodity prices also going through the roof the choice may not be that simple. For some, 'little is more' will become a distinct reality.

Across the pond one of the founders of the BLM organisation is cashing in on / with all the donations. As footballers here take the knee in a move to show their solidarity with their coloured brethren, the founder of the movement is showing some of that community are more equal than others…

Does anyone know if any of those millions have ever been distributed to needy black neighbourhoods or are the founders just building a giant personal property portfolio?

It goes without saying that a lifestyle of luxury demands a suitable toast at the table and what is better than a suitably labelled Pinot Noir to set the tone?

Letting your wine breathe takes on a whole new meaning!

On a local level we had a copy of the town council news letter arriving last week; one item caught the eye amongst the exciting news that another bus shelter had been refurbished. What was interesting about this proposal was what it didn’t say, i.e. what they were wanting to achieve in creating mayhem by closing a short connecting piece of road that runs past the school with two barriers manned by volunteers? No alternative routes, and I mean none are available, so that presumably the school run mummies can drop the little darlings off and pick them up without illegally parking everywhere as they do now or blocking private driveways on the nearest housing estate. If this is the object of the exercise it will cause chaos for the earlier reason and there are not enough parking spaces at the council offices currently used anyway so illegal parking will continue.

Without further info the legality of this comes into question, and as police are conspicuous by their absence dealing with the current parking on double yellow lines outside the school, who is going to enforce all this, other than volunteers?

They are having a consultation table (!) set up outside the school one day next week. Could be interesting, though the real interest is what idiot proposed this in the first place. It said in the preamble ‘if acceptable we will get used to it’; we of course is not those that propose this nonsense as they all live elsewhere; sometimes you just can’t make it up.

The sign off line to this proposal is 'we will help the environment'; I've never been sure what qualifies anyone that sits on local council committees but it certainly isn’t common sense.

Numbers of perfectly fit sportsmen are apparently keeling over at an unprecedented rate; a pure coincidence that it all started after Covid vaccinations of course and the authorities when asked say the number is in line with normal incidents; no doubt one day we will get the truth on that as well.

Meanwhile - and this is just football:

And lastly the Queen has had to suffer a surprise visit by the Kardashians complete with Netflix crew. Aa place on the balcony for the Jubilee celebrations is Harry’s hoped-for reward for this furthering his celebrity status as a, er, I have no idea. He also managed to use a well known Charles-ism, if that is a word, by describing the 95-year-old monarch as having ‘great form’ as if she was race horse; the Queen has always loved horses but has yet to identify as one; with what has gone on in the Royal Family in the last few years it would be better if the Queen appeared on the balcony alone or with a horse, she really doesn’t need the dysfunctional siblings anywhere near her.

Finally finally I leave you with this: Serena in goal would be good as getting a football past the Incredible Hulk would be difficult (plus she has great reaction speed); Lewis on the other hand I would suggest is not a football person, and dressed like that is more suited to a role in Madame Butterfly than standing on the terraces.

What the nation needs at this time is Tony Blair and a rousing chorus of 'Things can only get better; or is it 'build back better' now? On second thoughts, perhaps not.

Not bad for one week and I didn’t even have to try!

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