We understand that Where's-God?-Welby (Eton, Cambridge and Cantuar) has extended his plans to rationalise Christian festivals.
A secret discussion document leaked to Broad Oak Magazine builds on his proposal to make Easter a fixed-date feast with a scheme to combine it with Christmas.
"You are statistically more likely to have a white Easter than a white Christmas," explains the paper, quoting a BBC webpost from 2010. "So why not do a two-for-one and get it all over with in springtime?"
Time-slots under consideration include April 5, so that Christmas and end-of-tax-year sales figures can be published simultaneously (to be known as "The Annunciation") and alternatively, February 29 (offering the productivity advantages of three celebration-free years).
"The birth of Santa has a deep personal meaning for me," comments the prelate, "as I used to work for an Elf."
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Sunday, January 17, 2016
Krazy Korbyn on Trident
All right,
so maybe some of you agree with Jezza that we should stop our
steel industry disappearing. But just read this treacherous b*st*rd on giving
up our nuclear protection:
"Trident is a waste of money... Modern Russia... has no interest in attacking us or any conceivable reason for doing so... Trident is useless against [the encroachments of the EU] ... mass migration... the IRA (to whom we surrendered, despite being a nuclear power) and Islamic State.
"We do
not even control Trident, relying on the USA for so much of its technology and
maintenance that we could never use it without American approval. How
independent is that?
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"Trident is a waste of money... Modern Russia... has no interest in attacking us or any conceivable reason for doing so... Trident is useless against [the encroachments of the EU] ... mass migration... the IRA (to whom we surrendered, despite being a nuclear power) and Islamic State.
"Trident...
will probably end up more than £100 billion, at a time when we are heavily in
debt already. If there were any obvious or even remote use for it, then maybe
this could be justified. But there isn’t. We could easily maintain a small
arsenal of H-bombs or nuclear-tipped cruise missiles, just in case, for far
less.
"It is
not just bearded pacifists who doubt its use. Senior civil servants, serious
military experts, senior officers in all branches, privately and in some cases
publicly reckon it is simply not worth the money."
Bang to
rights, let's lock the b*gg*r up -
oh sh*t sh*t
sh*t it's not Corbyn it's Peter Hitchens, sorry. Still, we've got him on the
IRA, haven't we - damn, no, that was Blair and the Yanks...
I'll have
him on something yet, talk amongst yourselves while I keep looking...
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Saturday, January 16, 2016
Krazy Korbyn Korner
Wacko scruffmeister Jeremy Corbyn has come up with another honkeroo of a daft idea: helping the steel industry! Yes, it's true multiple exclamation marks emoticonfest ffs lol.
He is to speak at the Fabian Conference today, saying among other things that the Tories’ “laissez-faire attitude to the steel industry could let a downturn become a death spiral”.
As the BBC website said last October, "Many argue that this is not just a crisis for the steel sector, but one affecting UK manufacturing in general, which accounts for roughly 10% of UK economic output."
And now Jezza wants to do something about it.
What a b*st*rd.
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He is to speak at the Fabian Conference today, saying among other things that the Tories’ “laissez-faire attitude to the steel industry could let a downturn become a death spiral”.
As the BBC website said last October, "Many argue that this is not just a crisis for the steel sector, but one affecting UK manufacturing in general, which accounts for roughly 10% of UK economic output."
And now Jezza wants to do something about it.
What a b*st*rd.
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Friday, January 15, 2016
"Settled science"
 |
"Chinese symbols for interrogative, questioning, curious, inquiring, uncertainty, hesitation, misgiving, distrust, skepticism, interrogation, question, query, inquiry, doubt." |
"R[abbi] Kahana said: If the Sanhedrin unanimously* find [the accused] guilty, he is acquitted. Why? — Because we have learned by tradition that sentence must be postponed till the morrow in hope of finding new points in favour of the defence."
- from the "Babylonian Talmud: Tractate Sanhedrin", Folio 17a. According to Wikipedia, this Talmud from Mesopotamia (modern Iraq) was composed of "documents compiled over the period of Late Antiquity (3rd to 5th centuries)."
*(Usually the Sanhedrin was composed of 23 judges.)
A recent law paper by Ephraim Glatt argues the relevance of this to modern jurisprudence, pointing out the difficulties and drawbacks of attempting to get a unanimous jury verdict.
But a statistics paper out this month discussed here (hat-tip to Anna Raccoon) also argues that beyond a certain level of corroboration (e.g. in a police line-up of suspects) there is an increasing risk of false positives.
Perhaps more of us would be persuaded by the claims of "warmists" if climate "experts" had more dissenting voices? Similarly, Matthew Parris in last week's Spectator said he would be more likely to vote for Prime Ministerial motions on such matters as Europe, Iraq and Syria if we had "leaders with the intellectual self-confidence to ask us for no more than a modest two cheers for a halfway decent case."
As the old saying goes, "“Ask two Jews, get three opinions.”
More light, less heat?
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Thursday, January 14, 2016
Paralysis, action (and obstruction)
Two parables of initiative and leadership, and one of selfishness versus the general good:
World War Two: the Chindits are behind Japanese lines in the Burmese jungle in the lead-up to the battle of Imphal. The Gurkha column is turning right, towards a road they must cross. The Brigade commander, Jack Masters*, reaches the turn:
"I glanced up, and saw, straight ahead of me, a hundred feet distant, four soldiers [...] I realised that the four soldiers were Japanese. They were staring at me. I moved behind a tree, called the nearest officer, Baines, pointed out the Japanese, and told him to kill them. When he had done that he was to keep the huts under observation until the rear of the force got well past the spot. Baines, too, stared at the Japanese. 'My God, so they are,' he said. The Japanese kept staring. 'Get going!' I snapped. The Brigade Defence Platoon ran down the ridge, firing. Two Japanese ran away, two were killed. They were all armed. Ten minutes later, we crossed the road, unmolested.
"This incident, at an unmarked place on a vague map, still baffles me. What were those Japanese doing there, staring at us as we marched by? Why had no one in front of me seen them? It was inexplicable..."
3 September 1666: John Evelyn** witnesses the Great Fire of London. Oddly, as the flames spread, no-one makes any rational move...
"The Conflagration was so universal, and the people so astonish'd, that from the beginning (I know not by what desponding or fate), they hardly stirr'd to quench it, so as there was nothing heard or seene but crying out & lamentation, & running about like distracted creatures, without at all attempting to save even their goods; such a strange consternation there was upon them..."
Then the King takes charge:
"It pleased his Majestie to command me among the rest to looke after the quenching of fetter-lane end, to preserve (if possible) that part of Holborn, while the rest of the Gent: took their several posts, some at one part, some at another, for now they began to bestirr themselves, & not till now, who 'til now had stood as men interdict, with their hands a crosse, & began to consider that nothing was like to put a stop, but the blowing up of so many houses as might make a <wider> gap, than any had yet ben made by the ordinary method of pulling them down with Engines: This some stout Seamen propos'd early enought to have saved the whole Citty: but some tenacious and avaritious Men, Aldermen &c. would not permitt, because their houses must have ben <of> the first..."
___________________________________________
* "The Road Past Mandalay" by John Masters (Michael Joseph, 1961), pp. 212-213
** "The diary of John Evelyn" ed. Guy de la Bédoyère (The Boydell Press, 1995), pp. 154-155
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World War Two: the Chindits are behind Japanese lines in the Burmese jungle in the lead-up to the battle of Imphal. The Gurkha column is turning right, towards a road they must cross. The Brigade commander, Jack Masters*, reaches the turn:
"I glanced up, and saw, straight ahead of me, a hundred feet distant, four soldiers [...] I realised that the four soldiers were Japanese. They were staring at me. I moved behind a tree, called the nearest officer, Baines, pointed out the Japanese, and told him to kill them. When he had done that he was to keep the huts under observation until the rear of the force got well past the spot. Baines, too, stared at the Japanese. 'My God, so they are,' he said. The Japanese kept staring. 'Get going!' I snapped. The Brigade Defence Platoon ran down the ridge, firing. Two Japanese ran away, two were killed. They were all armed. Ten minutes later, we crossed the road, unmolested.
"This incident, at an unmarked place on a vague map, still baffles me. What were those Japanese doing there, staring at us as we marched by? Why had no one in front of me seen them? It was inexplicable..."
3 September 1666: John Evelyn** witnesses the Great Fire of London. Oddly, as the flames spread, no-one makes any rational move...
"The Conflagration was so universal, and the people so astonish'd, that from the beginning (I know not by what desponding or fate), they hardly stirr'd to quench it, so as there was nothing heard or seene but crying out & lamentation, & running about like distracted creatures, without at all attempting to save even their goods; such a strange consternation there was upon them..."
Then the King takes charge:
"It pleased his Majestie to command me among the rest to looke after the quenching of fetter-lane end, to preserve (if possible) that part of Holborn, while the rest of the Gent: took their several posts, some at one part, some at another, for now they began to bestirr themselves, & not till now, who 'til now had stood as men interdict, with their hands a crosse, & began to consider that nothing was like to put a stop, but the blowing up of so many houses as might make a <wider> gap, than any had yet ben made by the ordinary method of pulling them down with Engines: This some stout Seamen propos'd early enought to have saved the whole Citty: but some tenacious and avaritious Men, Aldermen &c. would not permitt, because their houses must have ben <of> the first..."
___________________________________________
* "The Road Past Mandalay" by John Masters (Michael Joseph, 1961), pp. 212-213
** "The diary of John Evelyn" ed. Guy de la Bédoyère (The Boydell Press, 1995), pp. 154-155
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Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Cameron to extend culling program
Pilot cadger-culling schemes are to be extended into a nationwide drive to eradicate bovine TB, the Prime Minister announced today.
"Cattle-like total brainlessness, or bovine TB, is a serious threat to the economy," said Mr Cameron. "There is now little doubt that the cadger is the main vector."
Living closely together in overcrowded, flea-ridden rooms, cadgers are rarely seen in daytime.
"The touching British affection for cadgers is miguided," said the premier. "If anyone deserves effortless entitlement, surely it should be those who vote for us, or give us jobs in the financial sector when we've finished playing at politics. My plan to redevelop Labour-voting housing estates will deal with the problem at its source."
Some commenters contend that Mr Cameron is intent on showing his effectiveness as a leader. Other observers say he's NFU.
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"Cattle-like total brainlessness, or bovine TB, is a serious threat to the economy," said Mr Cameron. "There is now little doubt that the cadger is the main vector."
Living closely together in overcrowded, flea-ridden rooms, cadgers are rarely seen in daytime.
 |
| A typical cadger family, enjoying unearned comfort |
Instead, these dim, workshy creatures venture out at night, snuffling round alcohol outlets and fast-food takeaways, infecting others with their example of effortless entitlement.
"The touching British affection for cadgers is miguided," said the premier. "If anyone deserves effortless entitlement, surely it should be those who vote for us, or give us jobs in the financial sector when we've finished playing at politics. My plan to redevelop Labour-voting housing estates will deal with the problem at its source."
Some commenters contend that Mr Cameron is intent on showing his effectiveness as a leader. Other observers say he's NFU.
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Monday, January 11, 2016
Cameron's giant plan for unaffordable housing
The Prime Minister has electrified the country with his pledge this week to "build the paupers out of London."
Responding to a long-standing demand for unaffordable housing, Mr Cameron said, "It is time to clear out the riff-raff. They've cluttered up the place for far too long."
"There's just too much money to be made," he added. "We have to make our capital safe for foreigners, and make their capital safe as well."
"To those who worry about diluted standards in a building boom, let me say that safety is our first concern. There is no Council or Parliamentary seat safer for the Conservatives than one where the absentee owners can't vote Labour and the tenants won't. High-priced flats are a win for them and a win for us."
His parting remark, "Let's see how John Healey likes that" is taken to refer to the shadow housing minister's mooted plan for a programme of new social housing.
We contacted a number of property developers known to make political donations to the Tories, but they were unable to comment as they all fainted from greed on hearing the news.
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Responding to a long-standing demand for unaffordable housing, Mr Cameron said, "It is time to clear out the riff-raff. They've cluttered up the place for far too long."
"There's just too much money to be made," he added. "We have to make our capital safe for foreigners, and make their capital safe as well."
"To those who worry about diluted standards in a building boom, let me say that safety is our first concern. There is no Council or Parliamentary seat safer for the Conservatives than one where the absentee owners can't vote Labour and the tenants won't. High-priced flats are a win for them and a win for us."
His parting remark, "Let's see how John Healey likes that" is taken to refer to the shadow housing minister's mooted plan for a programme of new social housing.
We contacted a number of property developers known to make political donations to the Tories, but they were unable to comment as they all fainted from greed on hearing the news.
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All original material is copyright of its author. Fair use permitted. Contact via comment. Unless indicated otherwise, all internet links accessed at time of writing. Nothing here should be taken as personal advice, financial or otherwise. No liability is accepted for third-party content, whether incorporated in or linked to this blog; or for unintentional error and inaccuracy. The blog author may have, or intend to change, a personal position in any stock or other kind of investment mentioned.
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