Let's hack the coffee table

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The "40% rule" would wipe out the Labour Party

It is a remarkable fact that Conservative constituencies are more solidly so than any other party. Based on the 2010 General Election results, here is what the House of Commons would look like if only those Members were admitted who gained 40% or more of the votes of all the registered electors in their constituency (not simply all those who actually cast their vote):

Constituency Name	Region	Party
Daventry	East Midlands	CON
Northamptonshire South	East Midlands	CON
Brentwood & Ongar	Eastern	CON
Hitchin & Harpenden	Eastern	CON
Maldon	Eastern	CON
Norfolk North	Eastern	LIB DEM
Beckenham	London	CON
Orpington	London	CON
Ruislip, Northwood & Pinner	London	CON
Twickenham	London	LIB DEM
Westmorland & Lonsdale	North West	LIB DEM
Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath	Scotland	LAB
Arundel & South Downs	South East	CON
Beaconsfield	South East	CON
Chesham & Amersham	South East	CON
Esher & Walton	South East	CON
Hampshire East	South East	CON
Hampshire North East	South East	CON
Hampshire North West	South East	CON
Henley	South East	CON
Maidenhead	South East	CON
Meon Valley	South East	CON
Mole Valley	South East	CON
New Forest West	South East	CON
Newbury	South East	CON
Sevenoaks	South East	CON
Surrey East	South East	CON
Surrey Heath	South East	CON
Surrey South West	South East	CON
Tonbridge & Malling	South East	CON
Wealden	South East	CON
Windsor	South East	CON
Witney	South East	CON
Christchurch	South West	CON
Kenilworth & Southam	West Midlands	CON
Richmond (Yorks)	Yorkshire and the Humber	CON

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Conservative crackdown on MPs "will end right to represent people"

PM David Cameron plans to end the disruption caused by Her Majesty's Government in many Middle Eastern countries, a spokesman said today.

"We acknowledge that is inconsistent to impose a rule on unions requiring 40% of members to approve a strike action, without imposing the same on candidates for Parliamentary seats, and on political parties generally.

"We are aware that no party garnered 40% or more of votes cast in the 2010 General Election, and of course the results were much lower in relation to the number of registered electors, 35% of whom did not vote at all.

"The picture is scarcely better within individual constituencies. True, 539 MPs got 40%-plus of votes cast in 2010**, but again to be consistent we must admit that only 36 of them were returned by 40% or more of those who could have voted.*

"Unfortunately, this means that over 600 MPs will have to lose their places.  Having gone that far, really we do not see the need for General Elections at all and in future the UK will be governed by a very small self-appointed rump of  former 'forty percenters' meeting in the upper room of the Westminster Arms. Plus Angela Merkel, obviously.

"The now-redundant Palace of Westminster next door is up for sale and we have already had several expressions of interest from international property developers.

"What's important is to recognise the good news in all this, which is that the Government will no longer feel the need to gain popularity by vainglorious military adventures on the Arab Street. (The spokesman said that for this and other reasons, the new, permanent mini-government would not be styled "the Drones Club".) Cam is already in the process of selling his camo jacket on eBay."

"Best of all from our point of view, we've ditched the Scots*, all bar one and he's like Macavity." (The MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath is the Right Honourable Gordon Brown.)

(pic source)

The Not-The-Drones Club:

Constituency Name	Region	Party
Daventry	East Midlands	CON
Northamptonshire South	East Midlands	CON
Brentwood & Ongar	Eastern	CON
Hitchin & Harpenden	Eastern	CON
Maldon	Eastern	CON
Norfolk North	Eastern	LIB DEM
Beckenham	London	CON
Orpington	London	CON
Ruislip, Northwood & Pinner	London	CON
Twickenham	London	LIB DEM
Westmorland & Lonsdale	North West	LIB DEM
Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath	Scotland	LAB
Arundel & South Downs	South East	CON
Beaconsfield	South East	CON
Chesham & Amersham	South East	CON
Esher & Walton	South East	CON
Hampshire East	South East	CON
Hampshire North East	South East	CON
Hampshire North West	South East	CON
Henley	South East	CON
Maidenhead	South East	CON
Meon Valley	South East	CON
Mole Valley	South East	CON
New Forest West	South East	CON
Newbury	South East	CON
Sevenoaks	South East	CON
Surrey East	South East	CON
Surrey Heath	South East	CON
Surrey South West	South East	CON
Tonbridge & Malling	South East	CON
Wealden	South East	CON
Windsor	South East	CON
Witney	South East	CON
Christchurch	South West	CON
Kenilworth & Southam	West Midlands	CON
Richmond (Yorks)	Yorkshire and the Humber	CON

_____________________________________

* ... not to mention Northern Ireland, the Welsh and Nick Clegg (Sheffield Hallam). And Ed Miliband (Doncaster North), together with the entire PLP except for Macavity.

** but only 217 of them got 50% or more.


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Windy day

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Chesterton’s Bind

source

But there can be little doubt, I think, that if some form of Collectivism is imposed upon England it will be imposed, as everything else has been, by an instructed political class upon a people partly apathetic and partly hypnotized.

The aristocracy will be as ready to “administer” Collectivism as they were to administer Puritanism or Manchesterism; in some ways such a centralized political power is necessarily attractive to them.

G. K. Chesterton – What’s Wrong With The World (1910)

Chesterton was right, the political class don’t care which system they administer as long as they are the administrators. The political class is an environment, a niche. As with any other niche it selects those best adapted to it.

So there is no point in expecting a political party to change the niche, rebuild it into something more democratic, spoil it for the current occupants. Why would they? They merely want to occupy it. Such an appealing niche too, and a staging post for so many others equally attractive.

We could call it Chesterton’s Bind - a centralized political power is necessarily attractive to them. Not an easy nut to crack.

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Lab-Con coalition: you read it here first!

From Peter Hitchens today:

"I have thought for some time that the only establishment solution to a jaundiced and disenchanted electorate is for the two twin parties to combine against the voters in a grand coalition..."

From Broad Oak Magazine, last August:

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Three birds with one stone

source

Sometimes it is a good idea to stand back and take another look at familiar issues. For example we could ask ourselves why the UK electorate has a tendency to vote for lying poseurs as their MPs. People who were recently discovered to have fiddled their expenses, lied about their main residence, employed family members on their official staff and tried to hide the whole sorry mess when it all came out.

Thinking laterally, maybe that’s the real point of electing them. After all, their expenses scams were somewhat petty in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps the electorate has been electing useless lying poseurs as a cunning plan. 

Hmm - so what cunning plan would that be Baldrick?

How about this.

The general idea is to pass the job of government to professionals – the permanent officials whose job it is to make sure government actually works. Thus taking it away from the sticky fingers of party hacks, loons, thieves, trouser-droppers, insane harridans and all those who only see the job as a route to better things.

So we prefer bloody useless bureaucrats to bloody useless politicians do we Baldrick?

It’s a tough choice, but given the paucity of options maybe we do prefer bloody useless bureaucrats. Why not? The growth in international standards covering everything from road signage to food standards to reptile imports has led to a marked decline in the work available to politicians. Much of it is beyond their ken anyway because of its complexity and technical detail.

This sounds the death knell for democracy, but at least the professionals, whatever their numerous shortcomings and inefficiencies, at least they have to keep the show on the road if only to retain a firm grip on their salaries and pensions.

It is far from being a satisfactory trend and things are likely to go very sour indeed, but perhaps it is better than relying on all those ghastly, know-nothing freaks propping up the House of Commons bar. They have no intention of doing anything useful under any circumstances and maybe voters have wised up to that...

Or maybe they haven’t wised up to anything Baldrick. They simply plod off to the polling station, scrawl their cross based on the party they hate most and that’s the real attraction of UKIP. Three birds with one stone. 

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