Three birds with one stone

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Sometimes it is a good idea to stand back and take another look at familiar issues. For example we could ask ourselves why the UK electorate has a tendency to vote for lying poseurs as their MPs. People who were recently discovered to have fiddled their expenses, lied about their main residence, employed family members on their official staff and tried to hide the whole sorry mess when it all came out.

Thinking laterally, maybe that’s the real point of electing them. After all, their expenses scams were somewhat petty in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps the electorate has been electing useless lying poseurs as a cunning plan. 

Hmm - so what cunning plan would that be Baldrick?

How about this.

The general idea is to pass the job of government to professionals – the permanent officials whose job it is to make sure government actually works. Thus taking it away from the sticky fingers of party hacks, loons, thieves, trouser-droppers, insane harridans and all those who only see the job as a route to better things.

So we prefer bloody useless bureaucrats to bloody useless politicians do we Baldrick?

It’s a tough choice, but given the paucity of options maybe we do prefer bloody useless bureaucrats. Why not? The growth in international standards covering everything from road signage to food standards to reptile imports has led to a marked decline in the work available to politicians. Much of it is beyond their ken anyway because of its complexity and technical detail.

This sounds the death knell for democracy, but at least the professionals, whatever their numerous shortcomings and inefficiencies, at least they have to keep the show on the road if only to retain a firm grip on their salaries and pensions.

It is far from being a satisfactory trend and things are likely to go very sour indeed, but perhaps it is better than relying on all those ghastly, know-nothing freaks propping up the House of Commons bar. They have no intention of doing anything useful under any circumstances and maybe voters have wised up to that...

Or maybe they haven’t wised up to anything Baldrick. They simply plod off to the polling station, scrawl their cross based on the party they hate most and that’s the real attraction of UKIP. Three birds with one stone. 

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