Conservative crackdown on MPs "will end right to represent people"

PM David Cameron plans to end the disruption caused by Her Majesty's Government in many Middle Eastern countries, a spokesman said today.

"We acknowledge that is inconsistent to impose a rule on unions requiring 40% of members to approve a strike action, without imposing the same on candidates for Parliamentary seats, and on political parties generally.

"We are aware that no party garnered 40% or more of votes cast in the 2010 General Election, and of course the results were much lower in relation to the number of registered electors, 35% of whom did not vote at all.

"The picture is scarcely better within individual constituencies. True, 539 MPs got 40%-plus of votes cast in 2010**, but again to be consistent we must admit that only 36 of them were returned by 40% or more of those who could have voted.*

"Unfortunately, this means that over 600 MPs will have to lose their places.  Having gone that far, really we do not see the need for General Elections at all and in future the UK will be governed by a very small self-appointed rump of  former 'forty percenters' meeting in the upper room of the Westminster Arms. Plus Angela Merkel, obviously.

"The now-redundant Palace of Westminster next door is up for sale and we have already had several expressions of interest from international property developers.

"What's important is to recognise the good news in all this, which is that the Government will no longer feel the need to gain popularity by vainglorious military adventures on the Arab Street. (The spokesman said that for this and other reasons, the new, permanent mini-government would not be styled "the Drones Club".) Cam is already in the process of selling his camo jacket on eBay."

"Best of all from our point of view, we've ditched the Scots*, all bar one and he's like Macavity." (The MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath is the Right Honourable Gordon Brown.)

(pic source)

The Not-The-Drones Club:

Constituency Name	Region	Party
Daventry	East Midlands	CON
Northamptonshire South	East Midlands	CON
Brentwood & Ongar	Eastern	CON
Hitchin & Harpenden	Eastern	CON
Maldon	Eastern	CON
Norfolk North	Eastern	LIB DEM
Beckenham	London	CON
Orpington	London	CON
Ruislip, Northwood & Pinner	London	CON
Twickenham	London	LIB DEM
Westmorland & Lonsdale	North West	LIB DEM
Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath	Scotland	LAB
Arundel & South Downs	South East	CON
Beaconsfield	South East	CON
Chesham & Amersham	South East	CON
Esher & Walton	South East	CON
Hampshire East	South East	CON
Hampshire North East	South East	CON
Hampshire North West	South East	CON
Henley	South East	CON
Maidenhead	South East	CON
Meon Valley	South East	CON
Mole Valley	South East	CON
New Forest West	South East	CON
Newbury	South East	CON
Sevenoaks	South East	CON
Surrey East	South East	CON
Surrey Heath	South East	CON
Surrey South West	South East	CON
Tonbridge & Malling	South East	CON
Wealden	South East	CON
Windsor	South East	CON
Witney	South East	CON
Christchurch	South West	CON
Kenilworth & Southam	West Midlands	CON
Richmond (Yorks)	Yorkshire and the Humber	CON

_____________________________________

* ... not to mention Northern Ireland, the Welsh and Nick Clegg (Sheffield Hallam). And Ed Miliband (Doncaster North), together with the entire PLP except for Macavity.

** but only 217 of them got 50% or more.


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