Let’s concoct a new theory of intelligence. It’s about time
we had a new one because the old version looks as flaky as a Lib Dem policy. Just
take a look at current energy policies if you don’t believe me - Lib Dems are in
favour.
Right ho - to rectify this lamentable situation I’ve spent
fifteen precious minutes dreaming up the basic building block of intelligent awareness
called... wait for it...
The smartie.
It’s not an original use of the word, but what do you expect
for fifteen minutes? A workable energy policy?... Hmm, bad example... anyway,
here is the smartie theory in all its conceptual glory.
In essence, the more smarties you have and the wider your
range of smarties, the smarter you are - in a genial kind of way because I think
a nod to
Santayana
is somehow appropriate for smarties. If you want to know why, you’ll have to
read him and acquire a whole shed-load of smarties.
So throughout daily life we have the option of acquiring
more smarties - vitamins of the mind. Smarties come in numerous colours, shapes,
flavours, sizes, sweetness, price and brands so those who collect only one
flavour or those who focus on brand are not as smart as those who collect lots
of different smarties. Especially the home made smarties, of which smartie
theory itself is just one example!
For example, Nick Clegg only collects Nick Clegg and EU
smarties, which makes him smart on these subjects only. He knows how the EU is
likely to benefit Nick Clegg and virtually nothing else. There are no Lib Dem
smarties by the way.
Those eccentrics who love nuances and breadth of vision also
love all kinds of smarties and collect loads of them. This gives us the Smartie
Rich or SR quotient – a much needed antidote to IQ. So a person with a high SR
is smarter than Nick Clegg which we now know isn’t saying much but it’s
progress of a kind. Progress Nick knows nothing about of course.
The elite classes only collect elite smarties, a narrow
range of all the smarties on offer. So they never become smart - because they
can’t. Prince Charles is a good example. In his position, with all that travel
and cultural contact he should have a huge SR, but his social position narrows
the possibilities before he even gets to choose. He only likes green smarties
anyway.
Prince George will have the same problem – except he won’t
even know because he won’t have a sufficiently wide range of smarties to tell
him it’s a problem.
So it is with the political elite who only collect the
smarties offered to them by lobbyists, flunkies, and smartie advisers who are
in exactly the same smartie-delimted boat.
Smartie collecting is an essentially serendipitous activity
driven by the sheer joy of discovery and the substantially lesser joy of
changing your mind occasionally.
Smarties are usually minor discoveries such as nuances,
aspects alternative emphases or poetic insights, but they are all grist to the smartie
mill and raise one’s SR to quite dizzying heights of pure fancy.
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