PRESS COLLECT BEAST LONDON
NOTHING MUCH HAS HAPPENED EXCEPT WHOLE COUNTRY UNDER CURFEW BECAUSE OF PANDEMIC PROFESSOR WHO RECOMMENDED IT RESIGNED BECAUSE HE BROKE IT WITH MARRIED LOVER BUT PRIME MINISTER ALL RIGHT AS MOVED HIS OWN MISTRESS INTO NUMBER TEN SHE HAS HAD BABY AND THEY ARE NOW ENGAGED FOLLOWING HIS DECREE ABSOLUTE HE NEARLY DIED FROM SHAKING HANDS WITH EVERYBODY UNPROTECTED BUT IS NOW OUT OF HOSPITAL
PERSONAL PROTECTION EQUIPMENT ORDERED FROM CHINA BUT IMPOUNDED ON ARRIVAL AS NOT GOOD ENOUGH DAILY MAIL ORGANISED ANOTHER LOT DIRECT WE ARE ALL SUPPOSED TO WEAR MASKS AND GLOVES BUT IF WE DO THE NHS WILL BE EVEN SHORTER OF THEM STILL WE CAN STAND OUTSIDE AND CLAP ON A THURSDAY TO ENCOURAGE THE HEALTH WORKERS
EVERYBODY HAS BEEN TOLD TO STAY HOME EXCEPT TO GO FOR SHOPPING MEDICINE EXERCISE NEWSAGENTS OFF LICENSE AND TAKEAWAY FOOD SO MY LEGS ARE GETTING TIRED LOVELY SPRING WEATHER WILL CABLE AGAIN IF THERE IS ANY NEWS YOURS BOOT
With apologies to Evelyn Waugh
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