Please drink, gamble and fornicate responsibly

Saturday, April 09, 2011

In the paper shop

The newsagent was reaching under the shelves with a litter picker, searching for plastic ties and brown paper from the morning's news bundles.

In came the old man who has spent £30,000 on National Lottery tickets since it started.

"You'd better not bend like that in front of me, or you'll get the Golden Rivet. Are you looking for your wallet?"

"A penny."

"A friend of mine once bent down for a penny, and broke his neck. Never bend down for anything less than fifty pee."

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