Prime Ministers: the "tw*t" test

Why don't I like PM-to-be Boris Johnson? Because like most PMs I've observed, he thinks the electorate are fools or, to quote Brian Cox the Strumming Astrophysicist, "tw*ts". Ho ho, big, blond, bluff and bouncy, surely a man with his ebullient charm and wit is right for us? No, and pity the poor girls who've fallen for him. Many successful men have mistresses, but (allegedly) arranging the destruction of the innocent life they've created, that's another matter.

Look at Cameron - skirt-twitching about an EU referendum again, except this time he might - just might - even campaign for Brexit (if you run up the stairs three at a time you'll find you're not on a promise after all) , and forever having "feelings" about issues where we need "action" (his claiming to be "heartbroken" if Scotland became independent was the sort of oddly camp narcissism-on-wheels that his mentor Blair taught him). What happened to that Lisbon referendum, Cam? Frangible stuff, cast iron, apparently. But of course, you think we're goldfish.

Brown thought we were mathematically ignorant, so he habitually double-counted financial figures to impress us; the back-seat "bigot" comment might have helped the scales fall from many eyes.

Blair: at Oxford he promised a "Spacematic DISCO with LIGHTS!!" (do you know, it's getting hard to find links to that? I understand you can pay people to bury stuff low down on Google). Ever since, he's promised the obvious, the undoable or the forgettable - another goldfish-dazzler. Please God, Tom Bower stays well and completes his forthcoming biography of TB.

John Major, too, prided himself on knowing how to talk to the man in the "four-ale bar".

And so on and on, back and back. There are (a) few who - like them or loathe them - you could say were genuine and had our (quarrelsome) collective interests at heart.

• In an idle moment long ago, I riffled through the diary of Horace Walpole: his measure was whether someone had a "good heart" or a "bad heart".
• The criminal law is principally about intent.
• When I was in insurance, one pat slogan was that the clients don't care what you know, they want to know that you care.

Please, spare us another flashy man with contempt in his heart.


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