"Cattle-like total brainlessness, or bovine TB, is a serious threat to the economy," said Mr Cameron. "There is now little doubt that the cadger is the main vector."
Living closely together in overcrowded, flea-ridden rooms, cadgers are rarely seen in daytime.
|A typical cadger family, enjoying unearned comfort|
Instead, these dim, workshy creatures venture out at night, snuffling round alcohol outlets and fast-food takeaways, infecting others with their example of effortless entitlement.
"The touching British affection for cadgers is miguided," said the premier. "If anyone deserves effortless entitlement, surely it should be those who vote for us, or give us jobs in the financial sector when we've finished playing at politics. My plan to redevelop Labour-voting housing estates will deal with the problem at its source."
Some commenters contend that Mr Cameron is intent on showing his effectiveness as a leader. Other observers say he's NFU.
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