"We acknowledge that is inconsistent to impose a rule on unions requiring 40% of members to approve a strike action, without imposing the same on candidates for Parliamentary seats, and on political parties generally.
"We are aware that no party garnered 40% or more of votes cast in the 2010 General Election, and of course the results were much lower in relation to the number of registered electors, 35% of whom did not vote at all.
"The picture is scarcely better within individual constituencies. True, 539 MPs got 40%-plus of votes cast in 2010**, but again to be consistent we must admit that only 36 of them were returned by 40% or more of those who could have voted.*
"Unfortunately, this means that over 600 MPs will have to lose their places. Having gone that far, really we do not see the need for General Elections at all and in future the UK will be governed by a very small self-appointed rump of former 'forty percenters' meeting in the upper room of the Westminster Arms. Plus Angela Merkel, obviously.
"The now-redundant Palace of Westminster next door is up for sale and we have already had several expressions of interest from international property developers.
"What's important is to recognise the good news in all this, which is that the Government will no longer feel the need to gain popularity by vainglorious military adventures on the Arab Street. (The spokesman said that for this and other reasons, the new, permanent mini-government would not be styled "the Drones Club".) Cam is already in the process of selling his camo jacket on eBay."
"Best of all from our point of view, we've ditched the Scots*, all bar one and he's like Macavity." (The MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath is the Right Honourable Gordon Brown.)
The Not-The-Drones Club:
|Northamptonshire South||East Midlands||CON|
|Brentwood & Ongar||Eastern||CON|
|Hitchin & Harpenden||Eastern||CON|
|Norfolk North||Eastern||LIB DEM|
|Ruislip, Northwood & Pinner||London||CON|
|Westmorland & Lonsdale||North West||LIB DEM|
|Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath||Scotland||LAB|
|Arundel & South Downs||South East||CON|
|Chesham & Amersham||South East||CON|
|Esher & Walton||South East||CON|
|Hampshire East||South East||CON|
|Hampshire North East||South East||CON|
|Hampshire North West||South East||CON|
|Meon Valley||South East||CON|
|Mole Valley||South East||CON|
|New Forest West||South East||CON|
|Surrey East||South East||CON|
|Surrey Heath||South East||CON|
|Surrey South West||South East||CON|
|Tonbridge & Malling||South East||CON|
|Kenilworth & Southam||West Midlands||CON|
|Richmond (Yorks)||Yorkshire and the Humber||CON|
* ... not to mention Northern Ireland, the Welsh and Nick Clegg (Sheffield Hallam). And Ed Miliband (Doncaster North), together with the entire PLP except for Macavity.
** but only 217 of them got 50% or more.
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