Comedy Club: PMQs 14th January 2025

Too much of our political judgment is simply visceral. If Starmer were a teacher the class would begin playing him up out of instinct, sensing him to be “different.” But there is little point in complaining about his personality. A battering-ram does not need character. What counts is who is using him and for what.

Granted, it would be easier for his Party if he were a slicker like Blair. Failing that he has a team who write jokes and insults for him as he trudges through the inconvenience of Prime Minister’s Questions.

Who is on that team? Judging by the material they feed him they are half-educated and louche. Here is Sir Keir on the Tories’ frequent management changes:

“They had more positions in 14 years than the Kama Sutra. No wonder they are knackered; they left the country screwed.”

That is bar-room talk, not Commons decorum. Soon after he turns to sneering at

“…the Ikea shadow Cabinet. The trouble is that nobody wants to buy it, it is mainly constructed of old dead wood, and every time you lose a nut it defects to Reform.”

Yuk, yuk, yuk. How we nearly laughed.

Not as good as the old one about Cecil Parkinson impregnating his mistress: “Why are the Tories like MFI? One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.” But again, that wasn’t said in the Debating Chamber.

How much further will the PM’s ground crew take it? Will they start inserting jokes alluding to drug-taking, which I assume is as rife in Spadland as in advertising and PR? If they really want to get edgy they can come up with something about colostomy bags (if you know, you know.) It could be a sell-out performance…

… like Chagos, which Trump has finally criticised as “an act of total weakness.” Can the country recover from the structural damage inflicted by this administration?

The evisceration of PMQs continues. Yet again Sir Keir padded-out his introduction with remarks on Iran, deploring brutality to protestors there (but not to those in London) and Labour’s development plans for the North of England. Another time-filler was thanking before answering - Starmer did it eleven times to questioners and once to an NHS hospital.

In the main exchange with Badenoch his gibe about defections to Reform was given further point the next day when Robert Jenrick crossed over - officially he was sacked though one rumour has it he left his draft resignation lying around to bounce Kemi into action. I heard Jenrick’s name muttered as a possible Conservative leader in a side meeting at the Birmingham conference several years ago; perhaps his moment passed when Badenoch’s Parliamentary performances began to strengthen.

Nevertheless his subsequent speech at Reform’s presser confirmed what we see weekly at Westminster: the two main parties have ruined us. If Kemi’s October conference comment is right, that Labour acting on its principles must fail, then the question is why the Conservatives copied them for so long.

A blue reset (rinse?) might be possible, but only if the “broken Britain” failure is frankly addressed and according to Jenrick’s account of a recent shadow Cabinet meeting a few of them

“… had a third view. It is broken but we can’t say so because the Conservative Party broke it.”

If they don’t say so then Labour will, and does it regularly.

Worse still, reform with a lower case “r” may now be unachievable. The several crises that beset us may not be resolved by a little tax-cutting here and a little benefit-pruning there. Drastic action is needed, on a scale that the general public may not feel able to support and that certain elements may oppose vigorously, even violently. Look at Minnesota and at Democrats like Bernie Sanders fanning the flames.

In the meantime we must endure Labour acting on its principles, the first being to maximise its chances of re-election. In this session Badenoch called for the sacking of the West Midlands’ Chief Constable but in the event the easy way was taken instead: his early retirement. Politics is personalised and this scapegoating is useful to distract attention from how the decision to exclude Jewish fans from the Villa match was made, and what that reveals about influencers within the safety committee as well as the organisers of mob intimidation outside the ground itself. No Grunwick grit here and weakness invites more and worse.

The Opposition leader also had fun twitting Starmer with his alleged U-turns, missing what is really going on: not a turning around but a stepping back to jump higher. Inheritance tax on farmers has not been abolished entirely, nor has digital ID or the crushing business rates on the hospitality industry. The ground has been broken.

The Seventies dreamers spoke of “smashing the system” and we are getting to the point of having a smash but possibly no working system after that.

There is a deal of hope riding on Farage’s creation but he has steep hurdles to jump. If he is to be ready by 2029 he has to attract experienced individuals so that he does not take over with ignorant ingenues like Labour did. But can he control them? And can he control himself - is he able to run a Cabinet without firing dissidents? Farage has spent decades as a political heckler; will he be able to stand in the spotlight and deliver? Does he have it in him?

Do we have it in us?